Friday, July 06, 2007

trying to reason with the 6th month mark

Today is 6 months ago. It was January 6th when Chris got on that plane and headed to Ft. Bragg. Yes, I know I got to see him for a brief time in March. But it is not the same as being together, as a family, at home. It is hard to believe that so much time has passed and it still seems like so much is left to endure. 9 more months to be exact. I will get him for 2 short weeks in January. But even that is 7 more months away. I am so down tonight. I have been looking at the pictures of that morning he left, with a little help from some white zinfandel. Just looking at those pictures and the expressions on our faces is heartbreaking. I remember thinking "this is not happening". Can I just close my eyes and wish it all away. It was like watching a movie but I was the main character. Every part of me physically hurt and it still does. Sometimes I think if I can stay busy enough the emotions and feelings will not catch up to me. I know that it can not be stopped. I just want him home. I want to be near him. I don't want to feel this deep void. The truth is there is nothing I can do to escape it. He will stay gone no matter how I feel, no matter how many activities I put in my dayplanner, no matter what. The only thing that can be done is to endure and I guess I will.