The truth is this.....I have been watching these posts( check it out HERE) and reading and thinking and wondering. I am having trouble with it. I want to pour it all out. I want to talk about many things. I want to discuss the ups and downs of living with a man a few months after a divorce, or the divorce in general, or how deployment distroyed us, or fights I have with my best friends because I was selfish, or how I miss my grandfather so much it hurts, how I worry about my children, or how my parents and I have a non speaking non relationship.....etc. etc. etc.........
I want to talk about many things. Really I do. But I am struggling with laying it all out for the world to have an inside look to my darkest secrets. In fact sometimes it takes me back a little when people I know in person tell me they read my blog......like it makes me think about every word I type. This is very out of character for me....because I usually just don't give a rat's ass what people think.....
So for now....I am just thinking, writing in my head. I will hit Post to blog some day, but for now I am reading all of the participants and hoping that one day I will have the courage to play along.
8 comments:
Just found this through Shells blog. And ya know I completely understand... I love to write my feelings down and get it out but am still trying this whole BLOG thing out... and not that it seems to matter I've only gotten three followers and not so many hits on my blog, but it is refreshing to get it out of my head and hope that someone may feel the same or I help someone in someway when I post soemthing that is acutely important to me. But just keep reading and Hope you get the courage to play.. this was my first week to participate. sending hugs your way. :)
Such a wonderful, honest post. I am with you...sometimes it is hard to hit post. I have had a couple where I just hit delete.
But once you write it is freeing...totally different from a journal. You feel like you can cope better.
I think you did just pour your heart out. Not your secrets, but your heart.
And I hope that one day, you will share your past with us. I think you'd be surprised at how many people could relate.
Thanks for linking up.
Oh, yes, sometimes it is SO hard to post. To be that vulnerable. I so get that!
I think you are smart to recognize that you are not writing to a small audience - your words are there for anyone to read whenever they like as long as your blog is up and running. Write whatever you want those close to you to know as well as that which strangers can read too. Because that could be your audience any day of the week. As long as you are comfortable with what you put out there, it can be cathartic. Otherwise it can be catastrophic. I think Shell is right. You shared your emotion without the details - an emotional release without privacy issues. If you don't want to reveal certain things for fear of offending people you know, or out of embarassment if they knew - then you should make a private blog where you restrict access in, or post under a psuedonym. Then you can still express and share without worry.
I wouldn't call my post this week pouring my heart out..I'd call it working up to pouring me heart out. Putting personal things out for all the world to see is very hard, and very brave.
I know excatly how you feel. There is so much that I want to say but I am not sure how it will be taken. Just know that you are not alone.
P.S. I am sorry for the deployment. It was not worth what we lost.
It can be hard to actually look at all the secrets you have just laid out there and then hit the Post button - but this week it felt good for me!
I got a lot of support of other women who were in very similar situations and it is nice to know you aren't alone, kwim?
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